NAME: Christian Gatmaitan Vicmudo COUNTRY: Philippines

"People don't tell me who I am. I tell them."

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It’s over.
All I’m saying is, real feelings don’t just disappear.
Sometimes I wish I could read your mind. But then, I wonder if I could handle the truth.
I want you.
All the time.
No one else.
Thank you!

For being part of my life.

Umm.. So apparently your words don’t match with your actions.

So cut off the drama.

Sometimes, I choose to be secluded from people because it’s better to be alone than be part of the crowd having corrupt minds in this corrupt world.
I meant it when I said I’d wait. But people get tired too when they’re waiting for something that’s not even sure.

The worse part is if they’re waiting for something that isn’t even real

Your name still breaks my heart.
Nakakatakot ‘yung pagtingin mo sa kisame may ipis.


Pero ang mas nakakatakot kapag nawala at bigla na lang lumipad palapit sa’yo.


You had your chance, but you let it go.
The Stages of Loefe

Note: Before you continue reading this, I want to warn you about this note’s content. This probably is one of those sentiments I’ve been keeping for a long time. Or maybe I haven’t really kept, though (I post a lot of sentiments in social media). But this time, it’s gonna be a more detailed statement. So, if you don’t like sentimental posts, or if you’re having a good time right now ( I don’t wanna ruin it), this isn’t the right post you have to read. So bye. But to people who are interested, then here it is.

When love strikes a person, it’ll come in a very unplanned and unexpected time with the person you didn’t even think you’ll fall for. And when that time comes, I think that’s the time you’ll experience the stages of grief as well. Yep, don’t be confused. I’m associating love with the stages of grief. I don’t wanna sound bitter. But it doesn’t work with everyone. Don’t worry. It just happens if you’ve fallen for the wrong person.

And I don’t know if someone has thought of this before. Maybe.. Who knows? But I’m calling this concept as “Stages of Loefe” Oh, it’s a new word! I made it up. It’s a combination of love and grief. Loefe. How do you pronounce it, it’s easy, it’s something like this: “Loweef”. Kidding. It rhymes with “leaf”. Not that hard to pronounce, right?

Okay, so the first stage would be denial. If that unexpected person comes, and he/she made your heart rate higher, of course you’re gonna suspect it’s love or a little crush or maybe a huge one. I don’t know, it depends. Anyway, by the time you feel that rush of joy in your veins,  you’ll say “hey, it’s impossible, this isn’t love” (well, it maybe isn’t), then you look into your crush’s eyes, then you get confused and all. You’ll deny your feelings. Especially, when that newly found love of your life has done something nice for you. You’d think that he/she likes you too. When in fact, they probably don’t. But still, you’re trying to believe into something that isn’t real, that’s still denial. Right?

Then, there goes the stage of anger. Who wouldn’t get mad if the love of your life ignored you, or had done something you thought they’d never do to you (something negative), or made you feel that they’re not into you? Okay, so the moment of truth has been revealed. It could be a one-sided love. Oh, is it something new? No. Everyone experienced that, I’m 99% sure (it’s better to be safe). Anyway, that rush of joy in your veins, turned into boiling blood because of anger or maybe jealousy when you see you them talking with someone else and not giving you enough attention. Like when both of you are inside the library, you thought it was your moment together, but then someone walks in, and the love of your life was just happy seeing that person who just got in the library breaking your moment and your heart. Ohh… That’s the time you are gonna decide to move on and forget about your feelings because your heart is being squeezed to death. Or maybe not. Maybe you decide to move on because it’s clear that they don’t care about how you feel no matter how hard you try to express it. Efforts just seem not to work. So you move on by getting mad and have tried all the ways not to talk to your heart-breaker.

But it’s too late, you’ve completely fallen for that person. Oh no! You discover that you can’t get mad at him/her for a long time. Then you’ll realize that you’ve subconsciously entered the bargaining phase. Well. Look at that. Maybe this is the time when you thought you’ve already moved on (or still in the process). Since you can’t stay mad at the person you love, you’ll make excuses like “Yeah, I think it’s better if we become friends, I’ll accept that instead of us being strangers again” uh-oh, this is a bad move. If you’ve already moved on, then you’re deciding to be friends with him/her, there’s no problem with that. But if you’re like most people who experienced unrequited love and haven’t moved on yet, and then you’ve bargained for friendship with the person who broke your heart, I guess this is a wrong move. It’ll just break your heart over and over every time you are with him/her. Especially when you see him/her happily texting or doing something else with someone else. And then there you are trying to accept things the way you’re supposed to, but deep in your heart you are miserable… AGAIN. This is the stage when you pretend that you’re okay when you really aren’t. You’ll find yourself hoping all over again… even there’s nothing to hope for. That’s reality.

And because of that misery, you are entering the fourth stage which is depression, which means “extreme sadness”. Of course, who wouldn’t feel extremely sad when you have completely messed up again? You thought you were moving on, but then you realized that you haven’t let go yet because of the friendship that you thought would work. Sad. Really. Even I feel sad writing this. Geez, I don’t wanna continue writing. Kidding. Anyway, I have nothing much to say on this stage because it’s just everything negative. So my advice is that just let all the negativity out. You can shout at the top of the building or cry in your room (how typical is that?). But hey, when you’ve entered this stage, don’t lose hope. Sadness comes to an end. There’ll always be tomorrow to start a new life. Just be optimistic. Time heals.

No matter how long your grief is, there’s gonna be a point in your life when you’ll say that “I’ve completely moved on” and that’s what you call acceptance. There’s always a lesson in our lives that no matter how hard we go through, those experiences will just make us the person we’re supposed to become. A stronger and wiser one.

I believe that our lives as human beings are connected. There’s a reason why we fall for a person who won’t love us back. Maybe they need your love, or if they don’t, your love is surely gonna give an impact in their life. No matter how small or big that impact is, it’ll change things, not just for you but for them as well. We don’t live for ourselves alone. There will always be a fair share with other people. We experience love and grief because it’ll lead us to a place where we’re supposed to go. We just have to let those painful experiences transform into positive ones.

The point here is that no matter how bitter we may become when it comes to love, the time will come when we’re gonna accept everything wholeheartedly. No matter how hard it is for us to move on in the process, no matter how hard it is to put the pieces of your crushed heart together, time will be able to heal if you let it heal you. Just learn to let go. Don’t hold on if it’s not worth the pain. But forgive, it lightens the heart, it cleanses your soul. It’ll help you start over.